Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
