I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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