Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
