Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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