i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
