Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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