I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
where am i from again
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
