Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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