Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
