hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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