just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There are leaves in my underwear?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
