She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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