just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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