if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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