Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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