Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
