OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
