i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
