My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
