i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
