I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
