...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
