look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
