I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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