I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Umm I'm too high to move.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
