you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
