Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
