bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
