Fine. I'll sleep in my office
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
