i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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