apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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