every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
