Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
