I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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