I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize