After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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