Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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