i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
