I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
