just tell him i said nine months
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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