He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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