I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
