Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
