like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
