I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
