Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
