I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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