she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
