I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am one with the molecules
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
