If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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