I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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