omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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