we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
