dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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