Swine flu. Run for my life!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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