Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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