Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize