if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
