she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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