I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
