I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
