she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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