Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
