so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
