just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
