Your face is a jimmy john
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
