margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We left the knife in your bed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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