its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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