OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You can't motorboat a personality
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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