Already got asked if we're dating
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
