I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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