He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
