I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize