my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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