Your face is a jimmy john
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
