its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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