Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
