You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
bring money and cleavage
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
