it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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