I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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