dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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