Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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