Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My liver just had a heart attack.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
