He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
