I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
