My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
