Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
