I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize