Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
