it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
