chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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