now i know why i became what i already was.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
