feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize