My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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