apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
