I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
