I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
