i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
