Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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