Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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