i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
